The God on the mountain is still God in the valleys...

Why? That word. We ask it of our children every time they mess up. They ask it of us more times than we'd like. But are we supposed to ask God WHY? Well, we are supposed to be open and honest with him through confession, even though He knows it before we say it. So then, doesn't He understand the condition of our hearts when we are so stricken with shock and fear and grief that we want to lie on the bed and pound it with our fists and scream "WHY GOD?" And then, once the fit of rage and grief dies down a bit, we remember that we won't always know why and maybe we don't really need to know the REAL answer to that question. Isn't it just better to trust and know that His ways are not ours and His timing is not ours? Yeah, it is better...but not always natural when your world is ripped apart in a single instant.

I have a dear, sweet, precious best friend. Her name is Susan. She loves me and supports me and shares my joys and my sorrows and my excitement and my disappointments and every other single thing God sends my way. I cannot say enough about the depths of my love for her. Yesterday, unexpectedly, her father went to live in eternity with Jesus. He loved the Lord and witnessed for Him and now he is right there with Him singing praises and halleluia choruses with the entire choir of angels. Doesn't that describe such a beautiful sight. It must be...I count on it to be. And then there's what is left here. His family. Desperate and heartbroken and completely pitiful. It is so hard to see these precious people who have been so good to me suffer and know there is nothing I can do to take even a second of the pain away.

To have just come through what we have been through with Daddy and to see God work such a miracle of healing in his life makes this even harder for me. To see my sweet friend suffering the way I came so close to having to do is torture. I want to make it go away! It is such a strong reminder that His ways are not my ways and His timing is not my timing. I keep reminding myself that He numbered our days before we lived even one and while this is a shock to us, He has known all of her daddy's life what yesterday would hold for them. This is not a shock to God. The one who poured the oceans out of His palm was not surprised to see him standing at THE GATES. He was waiting there for him, ready to say, "Welcome, my good and faithful servant."

But we were not ready...they were not ready...and so they grieve...and it literally hurts my heart to watch.