I am not ready!

Last night Cooper coughed his head off...a horrible barky sounding cough. He sounded awful and I woke up off and on all night when he coughed. This morning we decided he needed to see our Pediatrician. He went to Juna's house for the morning so I could work a 1/2 day. I picked him up at 11:30 and we headed to Auburn. He has Croup, bless his heart! After our appointment, we went to Target to pick up his prescription and while we were there I bought this...

Once I put him in his car seat for the ride home, I second guessed myself all the way home. How in the world can I move my baby to a booster seat? I just don't know if I can do it. He is so excited about his new seat...and I just want to pack it up and return it! Why in the world did I buy this thing?

The morning of Cooper's 4th birthday, I was very surprised at how sad I was. I just couldn't help it. It just broke my heart for him to turn 4. Four means only one more year until Kindergarten...4 means he is not a baby...and it is hard for me to take. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change him turning 4 because I am so thankful that he is healthy and growing and learning. It is just hard to let my baby grow up...

I'm not sure that means I am ready for another baby...I think it is just normal to be sad about things like this. For example, this morning I went to Mrs. Smith's room to take her something and I literally could have cried. There were pink and blue cap and gowns hanging up in her room and not one of them was for Claudia. It broke my heart. I went to her room almost every single day last year and it was wonderful. Her room was Claudia's cocoon...and I miss her being there so much!

I am really trying to enjoy each day with them but life seems to get in the way so much. That is one reason why I love our trips. Nothing gets in the way of our time together on trips the way it does when we are busy with life...I have always had so much guilt when I am asked to help with something or volunteer for something and I say no. God is really changing that in me. He is showing me regularly that my priority right now needs to be spending time with my family. Babies don't keep and I cannot get these days back. I am trying to let that be what guides my judgement on what to commit to and what to say no to. I can do all of those things when they are grown but for now, I really want to be with them more than anything else. My house may not be as clean as I would like and it is certainly not as organized as I would like but every single time I come home to be with my family, it makes me so happy. It is my favorite place and I love the way it feels to have the four of us at home together...and I am not ready to have them grow up!